light at the end

For the first time since I arrived, I feel like there is space. I feel like I have space to breathe, to feel, and to see the beauty of this experience in Korea. It’s been crazy to have so much fear and frustration clouding me these past few weeks. I felt like I was out of my own body, like nothing was real or even remotely familiar, even my own emotions and reactions. So strange to be so stripped of everything that is familiar and comfortable. It is certainly one of the main reasons that I made this journey, and though it’s not at all easy, there are so many gifts in the challenges that I am experiencing.

Many people have told me that this adventure would bring me closer to myself that I have ever been. That when you venture into another world where the language and food and culture and street signs are all strange and new, there isn’t much standing between you and, well, you. I was chatting with Anne last week, and as I was explaining my state of mind to her, we both, nearly simultaneously, used the word “raw” to describe this experience. Having lived abroad herself at different times, she got it immediately. Nothing that once was is. Every day is a new exercise in starting over and letting go.

Letting go. Letting go. Letting go.

Last week, during a particularly hard moment for me, Jim got out the I Ching. Settlement was the principle we found. On a path that is so bizarre and comedic and truly spectacularly *not* what I have ever experienced, how do I find the feeling of settlement? And as someone who has spent so much time bouncing and moving and occupying myself with so many things, how can I find the space to settle? So many gifts in this experience. So many.

But this week was better. School was a little easier. I’m finding that I am truly in love with all my kids. They are sweet and funny and silly. I stumbled on the Gwangju Marathon Club and made some friends while running around the track on Thursday. I’ll hopefully start running with them once or twice a week in the evenings. They’re definitely extreme—15 k to half-marathon courses each Sunday—but the weekday runs are manageable. Just 5k. It’s awesome to meet new people and perhaps learn some Korean while running around this crazy city. I was also able to get a slight schedule change so that my Friday classes end at 6:40. So, I was able to make it to the yoga studio near my house. Went to an hour-long class. Totally different, clearly, and definitely couldn’t understand a word that was spoken, but it was fantastic. To be in a room of Korean ladies, doing bizarre yoga poses and being bathed in the language. Finally a bit of a routine seems to be emerging in my life.

Some fun and exciting and strange tales:

The trip to the doctor
The proverbial straw last Friday, after a very long and emotional week, was my bizarre trip to the Korean doctor. And Ear, Nose & Throat specialist, to be precise. I was feeling pretty crappy, and being the sweet, thoughtful boy that he is, Jim mentioned to our bosses that I had a sore throat. Of course, as they do here, they wanted to take me to the doctor. Which I’m not really into, as you know when you go to the MD in the states with a sore throat, they just tell you to go home. But, I thought maybe I’d get out of my evening class. So, here’s the scenario: I teach at 6:40. It was 6:25. I go rushing out of the building with my boss to the doctor’s across the street. We take a number at the office. A bell rings, and I get taken to the other side of this glass wall where I am seated in a chair that’s kind of like a dentist’s chair. In front of me is a wide array of strangely advanced ENT equipment, complete with video screens. The doctor sticks some kind of camera down my throat, and there right on the TV are my tonsils. He takes a few pictures. Two minutes later, I’m taken to another chair while he looks at the photos and asks me a couple of questions (he speaks some English).

He tells me that I will be getting an injection to make my throat feel better. “um, ok,” I stammer. “But what *is* it?” feeling rather apprehensive about said injection, and being the subborn public health kids that I am, AND being rather sensitive to what kinds of drogas go in my body, I was a little confused when they couldn’t tell me the name of what they wanted to inject me with. And when they all stared at me like I was crazy when I asked the question. The name? or the medicine? My boss was thoroughly confused by me. I finally get out of them that it’s a steroid that will help my throat pain. So, feeling a little like I just wanted to appease them and get out of there (stupid reason) and knowing that it would probably not kill me as I’m not really allergic to anything (reasonable reason), I agreed to the injection. At this point it’s like 6:38. I am taken by a nurse who lies me face down on a low table, pulls up my skirt, smacks me on the butt a couple of times and gives me the injection. I stand up a little dazed and look to my right. There, on the floor, is a cardboard box (I kid you not) with all the medical waste in it. Bloody gauze, syringes, etc. etc. etc. WTF? Yes, indeed. WTF? No sharps containers up in this piece, I assume.

So, then we leave to go down to the pharmacy to get my medication. Which costs about $2 for 8 packets of 4 pills. Now, I assume my boss knows what this all is since he had the scrip and he can read Korean. We get outside, and again, I ask, so, what is this? And again, he looks at me crazy-like. He says, you know, you’re the first person who has ever asked what the medicine is. WHAT? Right. So apparently, in Korea, you just take what the MD gives you b/c that’s what they say to do. Right. I explain to my boss the experience of going to the MD in the states, from the three weeks to an appointment, to the doctor-patient relationship, to the state of health care insurance, etc. He is rightfully blown away. “The doctor gives you information in the US? This is expected?” yeah. In fact, it’s demanded. He is blown away.

And in my state of being that week, this experience sent me into a total tail spin. But now, of course, it is comedy. Pure comedy. I am laughing right now. I apparently have a lot to learn about health care in Korea…
Trip to Sinji Beach
Last weekend we took a trip with all the teachers from school and our bosses to this little beach about 2.5 hours south of us. Took the school bus. It was a blast. As I’ve been dying to get out in the sun, jim and I opted to stay on the beach while everyone went to eat lunch, figuring that lunch with 12 people in korea would take at least two hours. And it did. They guys had been playing soccer with this big group of Korean guys on weekend holiday from Mokpo Maritime University. Super cute, well tanned, toned bodied Korean boys running up and down the beach playing soccer, throwing each other in the ocean and generally being boys. Not only was it good for jim to be able to get some of his boy-ness into the beach experience, it was a lovely thing to watch for an hour After a while, they took an interest in the kids from me-guk (America), and we made some friends. Turns out one guy is from Gwangju. He taught Jim the rules to the card game we’ve been trying to play (Kododi). Now we’re obsessed with the game and can’t stop playing. The beach was gorgeous for about 3 hours. Then, somehow the temperature dropped 20 degrees and the planned overnight stay was cut short. It was great to get out of the city, though.

Last night
We managed to get downtown to sit in a café all day and do some work—me for school, jim with his writing. Decided we’d make a night of it and call up some friends from school and our new Korean friends. Ended up having a fab time with everyone. Our Korean friends are great. One is a girl who is a digital animator and teaches at a university here. We met her through one of the teaches at school. The other works at this electronics store in the city. She was helping us look for an electronic dictionary one day. When I introduced her to Jim, she said, oh! Like Jim Jarmusch! I love his movies. What? So cool. She’s great. I’m excited to get to know some Korean folks in Gwangju. We definitely stayed out late, watched a birthday party next to us go from lots of fun to not so much fun when I hit the bathroom on our way out to find the poor bday girl hanging over the toilet with her friends hovering around her. Awesome. Apparently, the stat that Koreans are the biggest binge drinkers in the world just might be true…

And so, the end to another week. Gearing up for parent teacher conferences next Saturday. Feeling good about starting another week. Getting my bearings again and hoping for more space to breathe.

Sending love across the pond.

catie